Tag Archives: relationships

I think it’s better to not be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one because you know your worth and what you’re worthy of.

I’ve skimmed through a few blogs in the last few minutes, and I’ve realised how important self-respect is. To me, it’s important to find successes in different parts of your life because that is what I believe will make you ultimately happy.

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Dear Mum

I write when I feel happy, I write when I feel sad,

I write at 1 am, and I write whenever I can,

In writing I find an escape, an escape that carries me through,

For you that don’t know me, I always like to smile,

A smile can be polite, a smile can capture serenity,

But for others it can hide the pain, of days you’d rather not say,

So then no one will ask that one dreaded question, “Are you ok?”

Does it really matter? Do you really care?

They say your mother knows you best, she gave you life and she brought you up,

But she also caused those salty tears streaming down your pretty face,

You look in the mirror, and ask yourself, when can I be gone?

Away from all this, you whisper in the night.

If I could just for one day fly freely and carelessly with the wind, I would,

Dear Mum, how many times do you look in the mirror? How many times can you feel what I feel?

Dear Mum, please know, there are many things I want to tell you,

Of happy moments and sad ones too, but somehow you make it hard,

When you criticise me, when you yell, you make me feel like I want nothing to do with you,

We are but two hearts, that have long lost their way.

Learn to love yourself first

glass slipper

Throw away those glass slippers because running bare foot is more fun. This poster encapsulates my day. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt in life is to always try to maintain balance. For me that involves a lot of things: part-time job/life/family (+ dog)/uni/get-togethers with friends/volunteering. Exercise is that one thing that always makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. It’s because even though things feel like they are crashing down on me, exercise reinforces that I’m making progress, at least in one aspect of my life. And of course, I love the endorphin release. Who doesn’t? I’m on the road to reaching my goal weight. It’s gonna take some time, but I know I’ll get there, and that’s the most important thing. Today I went back to the gym after a long time of not going. I wouldn’t say that long, but long enough for me to feel the burn quicker than usual. I pretty much thought I could stop everything in my life, and just study, study, study. That way, I’d get better marks in my exams. Lesson learnt: you need a balance, or you’ll just burn yourself out. And that’s what happened, it’s all I thought about, and when the time came for the exam, I just became so fearful of failing that my nerves took over. It was the first time in my life I had a panic attack. It was intense. I’m glad I’ve been given a second chance to show ’em what I’ve got, so in 2 weeks I shall be sitting a supplementary exam. I’ll be prepared though and I know I’ll pass.

Anyway, back to my gym sesh, for those who do classes at the gym, I did Body Pump and Body Attack. Body Pump is awesome for muscle toning and strength. Body Attack is a full-on cardio workout, thats seems like bursts of energy accompanied with adrenaline-stimulating music. The last time I  did Body Attack was probably 2 years ago. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. I was an unco noob lost in a room full of women who knew their ‘thang’. I recall the instructor didn’t bother slowing down, and I told myself after, this is not for me. I’m glad I tried it out again though because it changed my perception about it. I even went to the front line and said to myself, “why not?” I managed to keep up with those in the front line, even though my ‘moves like Jagger’ weren’t as smooth as theres. All in all, I feel proud of myself for giving it a try again. That goes to say, don’t let one bad experience, keep you from trying it again.

For all those feminists out there, how cool is this poster? In this day and age, people are obsessed about the concept of falling in love. I’ve gone to the extent of removing all emotional breakup slash ‘I’m-just-so-in-love’ songs from my iPhone. I don’t need it. Reality check – love does not ‘cure’ anything. The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself. You can choose to take control of your own life. You don’t need someone to reinforce that you are worthy of love because quite frankly, you can love yourself and that can be enough. If your being is happy, then that resonates through your thoughts. And as we know, the way you think (i.e. your mindset) influences your behaviour.

Yours truly, from a 21-year-old girl who is learning to take control of her life again.

Life won’t wait for you

It’s just one of those days when you want to put pen to paper and pour your sorrows away. I like to think of my blog as something that gives me inspiration and hope that there are better days ahead when I’m feeling down. Throughout my life I have kept journals. As I got older, I told myself I wanted to write only about happy moments because quite frankly I didn’t want to read journal entries years down the track and think, was I really that lonely and sad as a teenager? But you know what, life is full of ups and downs. That’s why I’m writing my first vulnerable post on my blog.

I think from time to time, we all like to reminisce about the good ol’ days. However, time has a way of tainting those memories by being subjective. Our mind wants to remember just the good stuff, so we don’t have to feel the pain that we once endured through challenging experiences and obstacles. Relationships – family, friends, co-workers. They all make their mark on you. I once had a friendship with a guy. We were the best of friends. We did everything together. I think for the longest time he had a secret crush on me, but I friend-zoned him and took him for granted. As that song by Counting Crows goes, “you don’t know what you’ve got til its gone” (Big Yellow Taxi). And that’s exactly what happened, I missed him as soon as he went away. The difficult thing is something inside of me doesn’t want to let go of those memories, but I know that things will never be the same because life has changed the both of us in so many ways. We are on different walks of life. I know you can say all those cliche tag lines like “if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be’ or “God will find a way”. I’m not sure how to feel or what to say, but I guess I just need to let it be. For those days are long gone. Most people refer to me as a ‘pocket full of sunshine’, their ‘go-to gal’, that person who just always seems to be happy when they walk into a room. But just like anyone else I have my fair share of insecurities, doubts, thoughts that I just can’t get out of my head, and desires that just feel so far away. I think what I’m trying to say is that, inside my heart, there’s some kind of longing like a piece of a puzzle that needs to be found. I’m wise enough to know now, that it’s up to me to fill that whole and no one else can fill the void for me. It’s up to me. Just like anything else worthwhile in life, it takes a process of focus, determination and hard work to get the results you want. So I’m here writing to tell myself, “Good luck and congratulations to taking your first step to finding happiness again”. Let this new chapter in your life begin.

Yours truly, from a 21-year-old girl who has realised that, you are the one who decides whether you stay unhappy, or find ways to find happiness.

life