It’s just one of those days when you want to put pen to paper and pour your sorrows away. I like to think of my blog as something that gives me inspiration and hope that there are better days ahead when I’m feeling down. Throughout my life I have kept journals. As I got older, I told myself I wanted to write only about happy moments because quite frankly I didn’t want to read journal entries years down the track and think, was I really that lonely and sad as a teenager? But you know what, life is full of ups and downs. That’s why I’m writing my first vulnerable post on my blog.
I think from time to time, we all like to reminisce about the good ol’ days. However, time has a way of tainting those memories by being subjective. Our mind wants to remember just the good stuff, so we don’t have to feel the pain that we once endured through challenging experiences and obstacles. Relationships – family, friends, co-workers. They all make their mark on you. I once had a friendship with a guy. We were the best of friends. We did everything together. I think for the longest time he had a secret crush on me, but I friend-zoned him and took him for granted. As that song by Counting Crows goes, “you don’t know what you’ve got til its gone” (Big Yellow Taxi). And that’s exactly what happened, I missed him as soon as he went away. The difficult thing is something inside of me doesn’t want to let go of those memories, but I know that things will never be the same because life has changed the both of us in so many ways. We are on different walks of life. I know you can say all those cliche tag lines like “if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be’ or “God will find a way”. I’m not sure how to feel or what to say, but I guess I just need to let it be. For those days are long gone. Most people refer to me as a ‘pocket full of sunshine’, their ‘go-to gal’, that person who just always seems to be happy when they walk into a room. But just like anyone else I have my fair share of insecurities, doubts, thoughts that I just can’t get out of my head, and desires that just feel so far away. I think what I’m trying to say is that, inside my heart, there’s some kind of longing like a piece of a puzzle that needs to be found. I’m wise enough to know now, that it’s up to me to fill that whole and no one else can fill the void for me. It’s up to me. Just like anything else worthwhile in life, it takes a process of focus, determination and hard work to get the results you want. So I’m here writing to tell myself, “Good luck and congratulations to taking your first step to finding happiness again”. Let this new chapter in your life begin.
Yours truly, from a 21-year-old girl who has realised that, you are the one who decides whether you stay unhappy, or find ways to find happiness.