Tag Archives: hard work

Life won’t wait for you

It’s just one of those days when you want to put pen to paper and pour your sorrows away. I like to think of my blog as something that gives me inspiration and hope that there are better days ahead when I’m feeling down. Throughout my life I have kept journals. As I got older, I told myself I wanted to write only about happy moments because quite frankly I didn’t want to read journal entries years down the track and think, was I really that lonely and sad as a teenager? But you know what, life is full of ups and downs. That’s why I’m writing my first vulnerable post on my blog.

I think from time to time, we all like to reminisce about the good ol’ days. However, time has a way of tainting those memories by being subjective. Our mind wants to remember just the good stuff, so we don’t have to feel the pain that we once endured through challenging experiences and obstacles. Relationships – family, friends, co-workers. They all make their mark on you. I once had a friendship with a guy. We were the best of friends. We did everything together. I think for the longest time he had a secret crush on me, but I friend-zoned him and took him for granted. As that song by Counting Crows goes, “you don’t know what you’ve got til its gone” (Big Yellow Taxi). And that’s exactly what happened, I missed him as soon as he went away. The difficult thing is something inside of me doesn’t want to let go of those memories, but I know that things will never be the same because life has changed the both of us in so many ways. We are on different walks of life. I know you can say all those cliche tag lines like “if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be’ or “God will find a way”. I’m not sure how to feel or what to say, but I guess I just need to let it be. For those days are long gone. Most people refer to me as a ‘pocket full of sunshine’, their ‘go-to gal’, that person who just always seems to be happy when they walk into a room. But just like anyone else I have my fair share of insecurities, doubts, thoughts that I just can’t get out of my head, and desires that just feel so far away. I think what I’m trying to say is that, inside my heart, there’s some kind of longing like a piece of a puzzle that needs to be found. I’m wise enough to know now, that it’s up to me to fill that whole and no one else can fill the void for me. It’s up to me. Just like anything else worthwhile in life, it takes a process of focus, determination and hard work to get the results you want. So I’m here writing to tell myself, “Good luck and congratulations to taking your first step to finding happiness again”. Let this new chapter in your life begin.

Yours truly, from a 21-year-old girl who has realised that, you are the one who decides whether you stay unhappy, or find ways to find happiness.

life

Fall seven times, stand up eight

I’m sitting here in my study room, my lectures notes, textbooks, highlighters and pens scattered on my desk. I think it’s human nature to lack motivation at times. As they say, life is a rollercoaster – filled with ups and downs. Or I could use the metaphor that makes everyone laugh, that is, life is like a rock – it’s hard. I really want to do well in my final exams this semester. I want to prove to myself, that I’m no quitter. It doesn’t matter how many times you fall down, just as long as you get up each time. Fall seven times, stand up eight times.

These 2 subjects I have final exams for are no ordinary subjects. They are subjects that I failed. It took me a long time to comprehend and accept that I failed not one, but two subjects. Sometimes, I would tell people, “I failed a subject”, ignoring to use the plural, ‘subjects’. Through time, I have learnt to accept that, “it’s ok”. Uni students have their fair share of failed subjects. Some just brush it off, without a care. While, others reflect on why they failed and learn how to conquer their weaknesses. I’d like to think I’m the later. For the longest time, I kept going back to that moment when I checked my final marks for that semester. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. In that moment, I think I had what you call a premature ventricular contraction, meaning my heart stopped for a moment. Ok, so I might be exaggerating just a little, but it felt like I had stopped breathing. My stomach dropped, and I felt like I was at my lowest. The word ‘fail’, followed by ‘fail’ again, just stuck to me. It was all I could think about for a while.

I used to dwell on the past a lot – you know those ‘should’ve, could’ve, would’ve’ thoughts that linger in your mind. Those thoughts are a waste of time. “Don’t think too much,” I tell myself. I’m learning how to use those past experiences as motivators. For tomorrow is a new day. Look ahead. Keep trying, and most importantly, never give up.

To keep my sanity in the midst of exam preparation, I exercise. I managed to run 5 km in 47 min this evening, and each step I took made me feel stronger, more in control of my life. The best feeling is after an intense workout. It’s because I know I didn’t give up half way through the session, despite feeling like it was ‘death’. And secondly because I know I’m making progress to becoming a healthier me. While, I’m not at my ideal weight, I feel like all the hard work is paying off gradually because others have been telling me, “You look healthier” and “Have you lost weight?” It keeps me going! One day I know I’ll feel comfortable in my own skin when I’m trying on clothes whilst out shopping. I’ll feel confident in my own body. I can just picture the moment when I check the tag of a piece of clothing, and it’s in my ideal size. I’ll take it off the rack with a great big smile, knowing that I worked hard to get to that size. Success doesn’t happen over night. It’s a process.

As my favourite quote goes,
It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness – Seneca.

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